Life can be funny sometimes. Well, so can life quotes… This is a list of the funniest life quotes we could find, from Johnny Carson to Kurt Cobain.
This is a curated sub-category. Check out our full collection of life quotes.
My theory is that the hardest work anyone does in life is to appear normal.From the movie ED tv
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. Terry Pratchett
Life is hard, after all, it kills you. Kathrine Hepburn
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin
Life is an onion and one cries while peeling it. French Proverb
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. Mark Twain
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. Dalai Lama
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Homer Simpson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. Johnny Carson
We go through life thinking we’re invincible, but the truth is we’re totally vincible. That Seventies Show
Go through life like a duck: Majestic on top, kicking like hell underneath. Anonymous
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes. William Gibson
You can’t always control who walks into your life but, you CAN control which window you throw them out of… Unknown
It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life. Terry Pratchett
Nobody dies a virgin life f***s us all. Kurt Cobain
Life’s a garden… dig it. Joe Dirt
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Groucho Marx
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. Unknown
Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things. George Carlin
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. Ellen DeGeneres
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world. George Bernard Shaw
That’s what. She
The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity. Arthur Miller
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! Sean Morey
I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it. Jack Handey
Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. John Wayne
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know? Ernest Hemingway
Be excellent and party on dudes. Abraham Lincoln
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free. Bill Hicks
I drink to make other people more interesting. Ernest Hemingway
Procrastinate now, don’t put it off. Ellen DeGeneres
Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, Life considers U-turns to be legal, in all jurisdictions. B.T. Henderson
Life is always walking up to us and saying, ‘Come on in, the living’s fine,’ and what do we do? Back off and take its picture. Russell Baker
Life is a sexually transmitted disease. R.D Laing
If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again. Paris Hilton
In heaven, all the interesting people are missing. Friedrich Nietzsche
To do is to be. Nietzsche
To be is to do. Kant
Do be do be do. Sinatra
